What a journey this last year has been…. 3 or 4 months ago I truly didn’t think there would ever come a time when I’d be sitting upright and able to tell my story, let alone help others who are suffering similar horrendous circumstances with their health. I thought I was a goner. Looking back, I can hardly believe that I made it through everything that happened in these last 12 months. So much transpired.…
It’s 5 a.m. as I lay wide awake in darkness. There is a permeating sense of loneliness as my daughter is not in bed next to me. Her grandmother offered to care for her so that I could catch up on some much needed rest. This week my therapist has been helping guide me into the subconscious layers of my psyche. It hasn’t been an easy process. We are in the process of digging up…
Our culture does such a disservice to single mothers and perhaps parents in general, yet I can only speak from my perspective, observations, and personal experience. I get the sense that parents, when seen a ‘couple’ and unified family unit, receive an abundance of support on many levels, both from each other and their communities. The pressure single mothers feel that is inflicted by a society that has its priorities entirely bass-ackward is harmful not…
I’ve had several people (mostly females, but some males as well) recently ask me for relationship advice. I feel honored that there are folks placing their trust in what I have learned (and continue to discover) through my own journey and through working as a SANE RN (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner) with women who were in abusive situations. This is a long share… but I don’t doubt that you will resonate with parts or all…
Parenthood isn’t always roses and sun-rays. It isn’t always radiant smiles and laughter. It’s not edited to fit into a model of perfection like the above image. It’s not the Director’s Cut version. Sometimes it’s diapers that explode and cover you in poop, or hours of sleep lost for nights and months on end listening to your child cry while teeth break through their gums and you feel helpless in relieving their pain. Sometimes it’s…
My throat clenches as tears want to stream down my face. Do I cry in front of everyone? My heart answers- yes. So I let the tears fall and feel the lump in my throat release. To my left, less than 12 inches away in the IV infusion chair next to me, a woman’s body convulses and writhes in uncontrollable agony. She did not ask for this. She is not telling her body to spasm,…
What do you do when you feel foreign in your own skin? In interacting with other humans? When you know who you want to be, how you want to show up in this world and carry yourself, and how you not only want to be perceived but the qualities you truly want to embody so that all facades are laid bare, yet it’s all you can do to think positive thoughts and control the litany…
It’s 5 in the morning. I go out to start my car in negative temperatures as I attempt to mentally prepare myself for the one hour commute on anticipated icy roads and the 12.5-13 hour work day that will follow. Once arriving at the hospital and making my way up to the 4th floor, I feel a deep sense of repulsion in my core. ‘What am I doing here when I’d rather be anywhere but…
2016 was about surrendering, finding balance, cultivating sisterhood, building community, and embodying self-love. Deeply grateful for all that it brought with it… the love, the pain, the joy, and the lessons embedded within the undercurrents. I am indeed forever changed. More comfortable with both my graces and imperfections than I’ve ever been. Grateful for the shadows and the light. Feeling the liberating opening of my heart ushering in the immense love that is permeating the…
My days now consist of being confined to a chair, surrounded by multi-colored sticky notes plastered to my dining room table, piles of textbooks, dry erase boards, and a day planner color coded with details about the set routine for each day. Very rarely do I realize what day of the week it is. Time is eluding and illusory. Just like when my first semester of the exciting journey of nursing school started 1 year…