Dance is the language of the soul. It’s an anecdotal formula that lifts the veil of illusion, ignites our passion, breathes life into every living cell of our bodies, and unfailingly transmutes what we are feeling. Dance means so many different things for different people. I’ve certainly had my fair share of nights over the last decade of shaking my booty on the dance floor at a bar subsequent to one too many alcoholic libations ingested. I always had fun, but never experienced any sort of real catharsis. In recent years, my relationship with dance has taken on a different look and feel. I find that when dancing is treated as a conscious and somatic practice of vulnerable expression, it’s incredibly healing and meditative, and a fabulous means (that is available to us ALL the time) of releasing energy that may have become stagnate and is causing a blockage in the body. Over time, unresolved blockages give rise to chronic illness and mental anguish. Dancing awakens our awareness to the reality of impermanence as we witness ourselves and others ride wave after wave of change during the practice. This morning I woke up in an excited state knowing that in a couple of hours, I was going to be in an orange colored room with plants and ample natural sunlight streaming in through large windows… but wait, the ultimate component? I’d be moving my body both ferociously and gently on a hard wood floor in any possible way it felt called to move each moment. Just the anticipation itself felt liberating!
There were 4 or 5 fellow women present – we collectively and silently set our intentions and made a commitment to hold a safe container for ourselves and eachother. The woman facilitating had created a juicy playlist that built momentum slowly then led to a crescendo consisting of back to back songs that evoked a high level of energy. I found myself progressively letting go into the medicine more and more with each progressive song… loosening, softening, opening, trusting, surrendering. At points I felt as though I was reaching heights comparable to orgasm – each cell saturated with authentic and innocent joy, a blissful smile spreading across my face, fists pounding the floor like a primal creature claiming her place on this earth, feet wildly stomping to the beat… heart echoing – I belong here! I love dancing with my face in addition to the rest of my body. I found out today that there are 43 muscles in our beautiful faces! It’s amazing how much tension we unknowingly harbor in our face, and of course, the throat is often a major area of contraction due to the position of the Vishuddha chakra that is namely connected to communication and speaking our truth. It can be freeing and exalting to allow the muscles in our face to move every which way and simultaneously feel ourselves slipping in and out of different personalities and attitudes based on our expression.
Let LOVE be the sweet elixir
that awakens your spirit
and moves your soul to DANCE
As we began winding down, I laid down on the cool floor, breathed deeply, and became mindful of what I was experiencing in the present. I found myself mesmerized by the sight of shadow and light dancing with one another on the floor – an observation easily translated into a metaphor corroborating the experience of being in this human form as we are continually transitioning between the polarities of dark and light, sadness and joy, disappointment and excitement, happiness and anger, productivity and stagnation… I then gazed upward to the left and fixated on the verdant jade plant resting on the window sill, paying particular attention to the contrast between the tops of the leaves basking in the light and the way that the underneath of the leaves were a much darker nuance of green due to the light not reaching below. “If the plant in its entirety were bathed in sunlight, it would eventually harm and most likely, even result in death for the plant,” I thought. I expect a lot from myself and life. I want to feel good all the time. Don’t we all? We do our best due to our conditioning to ‘spiritually bypass’ so called negative emotions and escape from the challenging, painful seasons of this fragile human existence, yet we hurt ourselves in this process through prohibiting our growth. It is my sincere belief that we are all present on this earth at this time, in these bodies, to reach our highest soulful evolution (in essence, have the experience of truly knowingwho we are, beyond all earthly form and notions of separateness) – we were made to dive into the depths of our vulnerability, shed all armor from our raw hearts, and melt back into unconditional love where we came from… to awaken to our soul’s purpose and to experience anything and everything that we possibly can as an aid in reaching unprecedented levels of expansion, as physical creators and primarily as spiritual beings.
All of life requires a complex and intricate web of variables in order to evolve and subsequently thrive in new and improved ways, including variety and a colorful spectrum of stimulus and experience. I’ve always been humbly mature for my chronological age. Having been homeschooled, I spent virtually all of my childhood around older adults. I also was blessed in choosing a fantastic set of parents who were sublime role models, nurturers, and mentors. Still, I never fully grasped what it’s like to grow wisdom rather than accumulate knowledge or contemplate different philosophies. As I’m aging, I’ve come to realize that when pain comes, it’s an invitation into the temple of the Divine and a key to the door where supreme self-knowledge is housed. It’s exciting to observe myself stepping into my wise woman as a result of lived experience. She tells me that pain is a whisper from deep within the soul…. beckoning us toward land that’s a part of our inner terrain, yearning to be explored and SEEN in its unkempt rawness. In this way, all of the emotions and feelings we deem unwanted and try to push away, are parts of ourselves asking to be loved, nurtured, and acknowledged. They are immense blessings and catalysts for transformation if we so choose.
“This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”
– Rumi
My intention this morning was first, to open my heart. And second, authenticity. I’ve been reflecting on how I’ve been showing up in the world these last few weeks and even months, and recognizing that I haven’t been as authentic of a person as I so strongly desire and claim to be. There have been countless times that I have compromised myself for the sake of wanting to please another or avoid conflict… it almost always stems from a place of fear. Fear of loss, rejection, or disapproval. I realized it is time for me to reclaim my sovereignty, something that I’ve always felt challenged to do while I’m in a long term, committed relationship. I typically lose myself in the dynamic of the relationship. In order to reclaim my sovereignty, I must commit to first being authentic in all ways – through all of my actions and in all my relations. I had the perfect opportunity to cultivate this intention when my partner showed up unannounced to the place where dance was located today. He’d known where I was intending to be but we hadn’t made any plans to spend the day together as he had work and errands to run. We were only about ten minutes into the movement and flow when I caught a glimpse of him through the window outside the door – he had headphones on and was goofily dancing with a cheesy grin on his face. He wasn’t insinuating I needed to stop what I was doing and greet him by any means, but I couldn’t shake the burdening tug I felt that I was creating within myself. Out of sheer habit I felt compelled to go check in and say hello but I knew that if I pulled myself away it would be difficult to reenter the space and feel fully present if I broke the connection. This was my time. A morning to myself. I wanted to be here. I had planned to be here. So I remained true to myself and heeded the reminder that any outcome from that moment forth was perfectly in alignment with universal energy. If he wasn’t still at the building I was in after dance ended, there were several avenues I could take, such as calling or texting him, or, not contacting him, because I wasn’t obligated in any way. It felt empowering when all was said and done to have remained in my authentic flow by not compromising what I wanted to do based on fear of him being disappointed about waiting on me or the myriad of other silly and distracting thoughts that streamed through my head for about ten to fifteen minutes. When I emerged from the dance an hour later, I felt free, peaceful, happy, and content. I found him relaxingly sitting on the steps outside. He was glad to see me, and totally supportive in my choice. He asked how I was feeling and if I was hungry after two hours of dance and patted my stomach where precious life is growing in my womb. He went to the health-food store and brought us back some yummy treats and we shared a meal together with a ton of laughter and smiles. I felt more ME and present in my power than I had in a long time, and connection and communication flowed seamlessly.
Authenticity wins. And dancing. Lots and lots of dancing.
“We have come to be danced
not the pretty dance
not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
but the claw our way back into the belly
of the sacred, sensual animal dance
e
the unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
the holding the precious moment in the palms
of our hands and feet dance
We have come to be danced
not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance
but the wring the sadness from our skin dance
the blow the chip off our shoulder dance
the slap the apology from our posture dance
We have come to be danced
not the monkey see, monkey do dance
one, two dance like you
one two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
tearing scabs & scars open dance
the rub the rhythm raw against our souls dance
We have come to be danced
not the nice invisible, self-conscious shuffle
but the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
the strip us from our casings, return our wings
sharpen our claws & tongues dance
the shed dead cells and slip into
the luminous skin of love dance
We have come to be danced
not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
but the meeting of the trinity: the body, breath & beat dance
the shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
the mother may I?
yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
the Olly Olly Oxen Free Free Free dance
the everyone can come to our heaven dance
We have come to be danced
where the kingdoms collide
in the cathedral of flesh
to burn back into the light
to unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
to root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced.”
– Jewel Mathieson