When I reflect on what the last decade has brought me, hardly any words spring forth begging to be expressed. In its place, there is a deep silence accompanied by a visualization forming… it begins with the image of a placid lake surrounded by a barren desert. The desert symbolizes desolation and loneliness, while the lake represents a reservoir of nourishment, hope, curiosity, and healing. Suddenly, the appearance of the water is reshaped by ferocious gusts of wind that don’t stop. Violent sand storms swirl around a young girl standing alone in the distant. She is lost… fumbling for some semblance of direction but she doesn’t know up from down, left from right. She chooses to sit down and rest rather than resist the current. She hugs her thighs into her chest and bows her. Surrender has always yielded the best results.
She misses her father… she will forever remember holding his hand the moment he breathed his last breath. She longs for a mother she has never really known. She has always been a bit of a lone wolf. Capable of transfiguring into a loveable butterfly of sorts when it’s called for, but by and large, she walks alone through the unfathomable wasteland that has been her life while she actively looks for wildflowers that are colored with a vibrancy that promises a brighter future and a growth and peace that are impervious. The sand storm starts to wind down. Her face is caked with dirt and her hair is over her eyes, she wipes away the strands to take in the look of her latest surroundings – as she opens her hand she notices a miniature, blood-red rose in the center of her palm. It’s petals gently open to reveal a luscious center. She gazes in front of her. The lake is gone. No longer is she surrounded by rust colored hills of sand or desert terrain.
There is a wrought-iron gate in front of her with an ancient look – the aqua colored paint is corroded with rust. It’s locked. She feels a slight tug on her shirt and looks down to see herself in her 4 year old form. The little girl stares at her with a penetrating reverence. “Everything’s okay,” the little girl whispers. She almost looks away as she actually feels intimidated by this little girl… her wide almond eyes are piercing her soul with unconditional love. The little girl places a minoot, golden key in the palm of the hand that isn’t holding the rose. She knows to insert the key into the keyhole. The gate opens.. the little girl fades into the desolate backdrop.
She now finds herself in a dense, lush forest overflowing with foliage that is every shade of green imaginable – dragonflies dance on gargantuan leaves as beads of water cascade off their edges. The forest is literally dripping with aliveness. Being witness to this magic feels like love-making in action. She is nude. Her bare feet dig into the juicy soil. Ahh, it smells SO delicious here. Up ahead there is a waterfall pouring into a circular pond blanketed with lily pads and lotus flowers. She plunges into the pool without a second thought and howls with excitement! The crystalline, cold water is the recalibration button her body was yearning for. Dappled sun rays streak through the treetops and create the look of sparkles on the water’s surface. A beaming rainbow arcs in the sky above. Heaven on earth. She lays on a rock to soak up some rays and warm her slender form when she feels drawn toward a path leading through the tropical forest to the left. An illuminated bridge appears. She feels a reluctance intermingled with caution.
What lies on the other side of this bridge? She wonders. Will her curiosity and trust be enough to carry her forward or will her fear keep her frozen and caged? She deliberates a bit longer, and takes some deep breaths. She knows there isn’t really a choice and puts one barefoot in front of the other. As she is halfway across the dilapidated bridge constructed of rotten wood, a female leopard leaps in front of her. The remainder of the bridge crossing is blocked. She is face to face with this fierce creature. She doesn’t physically cower, but her heart is pounding. She knows that turning and running will only coax the creature and potentially trigger its primal instincts to charge and attack. She stares back into the leopard’s eyes. Their gaze locks. The leopard claws at the forest floor with her right paw. Then…. the colossal cat bows her head and takes off at a full on run in the other direction. She continues across the bridge.
As she reaches the end, there is a woman who appears to be her twin walking towards her with a bow and arrow in hand. This woman is wearing a flowing red dress with a hood. Her golden blonde curls fall in perfect ringlets around her skin. Her breasts are mostly exposed and she wears a crystal amulet that shines radiantly in the sunlight. She carries herself with a confidence, poise and grace that is a treasure to behold. She merges with this woman. They become one and she continues to walk forward barefoot. The scene has changed again and the landscape is now tundra. There is a light dusting of snow on the ground and a mountain ridge paints the horizon. The sun is setting. She is told by the ancient ones that the moss covered boulder ahead is her final destination.
As she approaches the boulder, a small child reveals herself from behind the rock. Her smile shines as bright as the sun and her radiant blue eyes share a kindred message. She and the small child’s pace toward each other begins quickening. She lays her bow and arrow down on the pine needles and stands as she catches her daughter mid-air. Their resounding laughter echoes throughout the forest and welcomes the woodland creatures to come forth in Celebration of the shedding of the old to make room for the new. She has let go of the picture of what she thought life would be like and has learned to find joy in the story she is actually living. She hears the whispers of love of her ancestors being carried on the breeze. She and her daughter are invisibly yet wholly cradled in this embrace.
God is life. She is me. I am the Muse through which she Moves.
Blessed.