Our culture does such a disservice to single mothers and perhaps parents in general, yet I can only speak from my perspective, observations, and personal experience. I get the sense that parents, when seen a ‘couple’ and unified family unit, receive an abundance of support on many levels, both from each other and their communities.
The pressure single mothers feel that is inflicted by a society that has its priorities entirely bass-ackward is harmful not to women themselves, but also their children. There’s this adage I heard once that I still love that goes something like, “As go our women, so go the communities, as go the communities, so go the children, and as go the children, so go the world.”
Raising the next generation is no easy task and more and more it seems we are predominantly doing it alone. It’s not uncommon in the least to hear a woman say that she’s a single mother these days. The characteristic, nuclear family dynamic has shifted drastically over the years…
We are expected to be the providers, nurturers, and bill-payers… to make all the food, do all the dishes, wash and fold all the laundry, change the diapers, keep up with appointments, activities, grocery shopping, homework, baths, bedtime, school (drop off/pick up), maintain our vehicles, AND somehow find time amongst all the aforementioned to take care of ourselves.
If you’re a conscious human, ‘taking care of yourself’ goes beyond being in bed earlier than midnight and taking a hot bath once in a while – it also equates to not passing down your own trauma which often involves therapy sessions and working hard every moment of every day toward being the best version of yourself you can be so that example is witnessed and emulated by your children.
This is completely unrealistic. It’s unnatural.
Doing it alone is impossible.
We are expecting too much of women trying to raise children completely on their own.
If she is frazzled and depressed…. the culprit likely isn’t mental illness, emotional instability, or not being “evolved” enough.
It’s that she is chronically stressed and has been sleep deprived for months or years on end….
She is trying to do something impossible in a society that tells her she should do it with a smile on her made up face and a waxed vagina all the while her floors must be impeccably swept/mopped and her car has to be up to date on its oil changes.
Her heart must be full of endless patience that never wavers… yet she has little to no support. We are expected to do more, be better, maintain a successful persona and place in this world.
Fuck this narrative.
I sometimes feel so broken. But I’m not actually broken. I am frustrated.
While I appreciate being my biggest advocate, sometimes I want a break from being my own cheerleader.
I want our culture and its proponents to stop expecting so much of mothers in general, but especially single moms.
We are tired. We are doing our best, and sometimes our best is going to be different today than it was yesterday.
A big shout-out to the wonderful folks who truly have shown up and helped me and my daughter out and impacted our lives. I’m finding that community can be found everywhere – sometimes where we least expect it, and support does exist. I am eternally grateful.