Sometimes the best soul food simply consists of solo walks on beaches in stormy weather, particularly on days when the external world seems to be a mirror replica of one’s internal tapestry of experience. Being human can be messy, ugly, and exhausting. Once upon a time, I used to refuse to admit it, in addition to my refusal to ‘give in’ to emotions and feelings that I labeled as unattractive or uncomfortable, but anyone who has lived a little and/or developed some semblance of emotional and spiritual maturity would attest to the above statement. When I find myself feeling depleted, I always turn towards Mother Nature for guidance and solace for she never fails to cradle me and blast through the bullshit straight to the pulse of the heart. She reminds me that everything we need is already within us. Coming into relationship with this truth boils down to a matter of how deep we are willing to dig… how many layers of masks are we willing to shed? Sometimes the will doesn’t have to exist. Destiny has its way and packs a mean uppercut to the jaw when we least expect it. I strongly believe that brokenness and vulnerability are hand in hand precursors to growth. It abso-fucking-lutely hurts like hell to stand bare naked in the fires of the real and go through the intense process of internal alchemy and transformation, to be completely honest with ourselves and everyone whose paths we cross, to allow ourselves to explore the desolate wastelands of shame, guilt, hatred, resentment, and rage that have residence in each of us. We, myself included, become skilled at sweeping our shit and the disowned parts of ourselves under the rug. We know it’s there, but we do our best to hold onto the notion that ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is the right method, or will at least get us by without too many sleepless nights. As months and years pass, we wonder why we’re in such anguish and pain, pain that then begins manifesting in the physical realm as disease and illness. We are in a constant mode of panic, and it’s usually subtle enough to where we are able to still function highly and go about our daily lives in autopilot mode without noticing the insidious effects that are taking their toll, but deep down, we are in a continual state of fear – a lesser yet very real version of the ‘fight-or-flight’ response alluded to in physiology classes and medicine. God forbid we feel, express, and communicate our feelings the moment they arise, that we admit to ourselves and others that we aren’t living up to the heinously idealistic image of perfection and do-gooder we portray based on the mold society projects, that we live our lives from a place of wondrous, childlike innocence and authenticity…. so we continue to incessantly distract ourselves through a plethora of ways: overconsumption of food, social media, superficial social engagements, drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, and TV. Even hobbies or interests that, as the majority would agree, sway toward a less blatant negative side, such as exercise, traveling, or volunteer work, can be distractions we unconsciously perpetuate in order to avoid introspective reflection, claiming/taking accountability for and culling/healing our shit.
We’re never truly ready to commit to embarking on the journey of reclaiming our sovereignty and freedom from our corrupt minds, the societal conditioning that shapes us, and our covert emotional wounding patterns that lead to self-sabotage and destruction. Rarely do we seek out uncomfortable or painful experiences and situations intentionally – it would non-instinctually counteract our intrinsic human and animalistic nature which is to cling to pleasure and try our hardest to avoid pain and discomfort. When catastrophe ensues, or suffering continues over an extended period of time, we eventually begin to transition from a place of rigidity and ego to softness and humility… finally we begin integrating the wisdom of surrender and start viewing ourselves, eachother, and the world through a different lens. We realize that we actually aren’t in control in the ways we insist we are. That it is our lack of acceptance and our resistance that largely contributes to our suffering. We’ve been indoctrinated from the time we came out of our mothers’ wombs. Somewhere along the line, we were taught to believe that we are not whole — not good enough or inherently flawed in some way (the concept of ‘original sin’ is culturally and dogmatically ubiquitous, not just in Christianity, but other world religions as well). As children we’re told that we’re being ‘too loud’ or ‘too this, too that.’ As we develop across the lifespan and find ourselves in the realm of adulthood, the same cultural, psychological, and societal projections and belief systems that we were inundated with as children and adolescents continue to influence us on a subconscious level tremendously. We become entrenched in a dream-state that didn’t emanate from our own heart’s knowing to begin with.
We live in a society that places emphasis on that which goes completely against the grain of our spiritual evolution and aligning with purpose. Most of us value our proximity to our electronics more than we value our relationship with ourselves and each other. As the Dalai Lama so eloquently articulates, “We have bigger houses but smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicines, but less healthiness; We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We’ve built more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communications; We have become long on quantity, but short on quality. These times are times of fast foods; but slow digestion; Tall man but short character; Steep profits but shallow relationships. It is time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room.”
We’re never truly ready to commit to embarking on the journey of reclaiming our sovereignty and freedom from our corrupt minds, the societal conditioning that shapes us, and our covert emotional wounding patterns that lead to self-sabotage and destruction. Rarely do we seek out uncomfortable or painful experiences and situations intentionally – it would non-instinctually counteract our intrinsic human and animalistic nature which is to cling to pleasure and try our hardest to avoid pain and discomfort. When catastrophe ensues, or suffering continues over an extended period of time, we eventually begin to transition from a place of rigidity and ego to softness and humility… finally we begin integrating the wisdom of surrender and start viewing ourselves, eachother, and the world through a different lens. We realize that we actually aren’t in control in the ways we insist we are. That it is our lack of acceptance and our resistance that largely contributes to our suffering. We’ve been indoctrinated from the time we came out of our mothers’ wombs. Somewhere along the line, we were taught to believe that we are not whole — not good enough or inherently flawed in some way (the concept of ‘original sin’ is culturally and dogmatically ubiquitous, not just in Christianity, but other world religions as well). As children we’re told that we’re being ‘too loud’ or ‘too this, too that.’ As we develop across the lifespan and find ourselves in the realm of adulthood, the same cultural, psychological, and societal projections and belief systems that we were inundated with as children and adolescents continue to influence us on a subconscious level tremendously. We become entrenched in a dream-state that didn’t emanate from our own heart’s knowing to begin with.
We live in a society that places emphasis on that which goes completely against the grain of our spiritual evolution and aligning with purpose. Most of us value our proximity to our electronics more than we value our relationship with ourselves and each other. As the Dalai Lama so eloquently articulates, “We have bigger houses but smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicines, but less healthiness; We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We’ve built more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communications; We have become long on quantity, but short on quality. These times are times of fast foods; but slow digestion; Tall man but short character; Steep profits but shallow relationships. It is time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room.”
We fear being seen more than just about anything… if we don’t want to see ourselves, we certainly don’t want others to see us. And if we’re afraid to really see ourselves, ALL of ourselves, then how can we possibly meet another in the place of authenticity and truth? Unfortunately for us and those we meet along the way, we deprive ourselves of one of the most sacred, beautiful, and heart melting experiences of being human. Once you allow yourself to SEE you, really see you, shadow and light dancing together, you won’t ever again be afraid of being seen by another, regardless of how much muck there is to wade through within our inner terrain. Ownership/accountability and self-awareness are the quintessential to one’s freedom and relief. One of my favorite mottos is: Name it, Claim it, Tame it! Everything I am experiencing is my creation and my choice. My external life is always a reflection of my internal self. Having this understanding and continually returning to this knowledge helps me to navigate the intricate variables that contribute to the formulation of my typical day to day experience. When this diligence is coupled with reflection, I feel assisted in nurturing my insight on where to begin unraveling the metaphorical twine that is so tightly wound around my mind, body, and spirit. I get overwhelmed, just as we all do. Some days I feel like I’m floundering for an iota of clarity or the tiniest semblance of peace. Naming what I am feeling and allowing myself to be with whatever it is is the first step in letting it go and transitioning to a more accepting and empowered sense of being.
Occasionally, when I read something, I’m unable to intellectually conceptualize the true meaning of it, but it simply resonates intuitively as truth on every fundamental level imaginable… or there may be a visceral feeling evoked. This happened when I read this quote from Adayshanti when I was 18 or 19, though I hadn’t actually experienced it for myself:
“Enlightenment is a destructive process.
It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier.
Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth.
It’s seeing through the facade of pretense.
It’s the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true.”
Years later, I now know that the above words are as real-making as it gets. I also have learned (rather than automatically operating from a place of victimhood mentality) that ultimately, society isn’t to blame, nor is anyone else (that’s a toughie!), for any of the pain, suffering, and challenges that life portends. Though I think it’s prudent to develop an understanding of what influences and molds us as humans with thinking minds–our environment/society being a significant contributing piece, it’s even more important to remember that YOU are powerful beyond measure. YOU are the creator of your life. YOU get to choose. YOU hold the key to your awakening and freedom. Only YOU can cross the bridge from self-sabotaging behavior and patterns to the embodiment of self-love and compassion. Walk through the door. You have nothing to lose. None of us do. The time is always now.
Vigilance.
Patience.
Gentleness.
Forgiveness.
Compassion.
Acceptance.
Love.